Nien "Nonk" Nunb
Nien "Nonk" Nunb, sometimes referred to as Nien"Nonk" Noob or just Nonkin' Nien was a Molluskan Mollusk who flew a ship called the Millennium Falcon that came close to destroying a planet. But, despite what Nonkin' Nien might tell you, the Death Star wasn't a real star. ''Real'' men blow up real planets with real "people" coming from them. And, to be fair, most of what Nien Noob claimed to have done was really done by Mr. Cool 'n' Smooth. By all accounts, Nunby Nien was a bit of an ugly bastard. Whereas most people have frilly underwear, Nonk had a frilly face. With a big fat face, flappy bits of what we think is skin and big, piggy ears, his idiot hat completed the image of a Mollusk that really does look like an idiot. And, when he opens that mouth of his, he speaks a lot of unintelligible shit anyway. So we're not really missing much by ignoring this little guy altogether. Biography Nien "Nonk" Nunb was born on the backwards world of , which is not to be confused in pronunciation with "Molest Han", he had little to do but spend time with his sister Aril "Nunk" Nunb. No one quite knows the extent of this relationship, but we do know that, eventually, Nonkin' Nien sold his sister to SoroSuub for the chance to drive a speeder. Seeing as woman Mollusks are exactly the same as human women, and won't shut their god damn mouths, we can completely sympathize with this decision made by Nonkin' Nien, as we all know that driving a speeder is so much more fun than speaking to a woman. Even a Mollusk woman. However, despite having the luck to escape from this Mollusk woman, Nonkin' Nien still wasn't happy. Being disreputable and evil, Nonkin' Nien stole from his employers in a dastardly deal of betrayal and eviltude! With his childhood 'friend' Shane Tevv, which is a bit of a girly name if you say it in the Molluskan way, the two of them began fighting against the Empire. Which isn't just a bit stupid. It's a lot stupid. So downright stupid that it's pretty much at the level of the New CIS stupid. Wow. But Nonkin' Nien didn't get to Nonk over the Star Destroyer they sent after him and his buddy Shane, or "Shane ma homie" as the Nonker called him. Bored as hell after having the shit beaten out of him and his buddy, Nonker McNonkington decided he needed something new to do with his spare time that involved more Nonk and less fail. Therefore, he decided he wanted to enlist in some cool club that would allow his Mollusk-ness not to be discriminated against. Seeing as all the other clubs and gangs Nonker wanted to join to Nonk some old people about were all full, he was forced to choose to instead want to Nonk the Empire. Therefore, Nien joined the Rebel Alliance, but failed in his endeavors to have the name changed to the "Nonker Alliance" or the "Alliance of Nonk". Some people just didn't appreciate the power of Nonk, which many have suggested is a less powerful form of the G*nk seen in G*nkism. But, of course, we're not going to suggest that sort of thing when we all know that G*nk and G*nkism is all in a league of its own. Yet these Mollusks are a backwards bunch, and Nonking really is a good talent for them I suppose. So let them Nonk away! Nonkin' the Death Star Nien was selected (somehow) to be the co pilot for the Millennium Falcon alongside Lando. After laughing to himself for hours over the ease in which he "removed" the others gunning for the job, he boarded the Falcon . During the fight, he attempted to explain to Lando in his native tounge that he w a ship of his own if thet, as a reward, but Lando only replied with "My friends on the planet will bring down the shield, don't worry", to which Nonkin Numb asked if Lando knew a word he was saying. Lando then agreed with Nien apparently saying something relating to the sheild. Eventully, Lando and Nein blew up the Death Star, and Nien laughed, as he got a gun ready to kill Lando for failing to understand him, after all they had been through. He planned to kill the smith taking smuggler at the party on Endor, but got so stoned on Endor Vodka that he collapsed on the spot and was hauled away by a band of Ewoks. When he woke up, the partywas packing up, and Lando had already left. Frankly, hardly anyone remembered Numb from the battle. He wandered round Endor until he found an Imperial Shuttle. He quickly killed the poor Officer inside and flew the ship back to Home 1. He saw Lando get an award, for "single handily destroying the second Death Star". Pissed as hell, Nien aimed his gun, but tripped over his own shoelace and accaidenlty shot Mon Mothma instead. It wasn't ruled as an accident, and Mothma survived anyway. Almost 30 years later, Numb was part of the reistanace, and still hadng killed Lando. He helped blow up Starkiller Base, but that new guy Poe Dameron got aaalll the credit. Nien changed plans, now hoping to kill Poe, as he learned that Lando was gone already, some butter incindet, apparently. Following the Battle of Crait, Numb put his plan into motion. Category:Awesome people Category:Males Category:Members of the Rebel Alliance Category:Mollusks Category:Morons Category:Pilots Category:Puppets Category:Short people